Threesome’s are nice and all, but the achievement of a “fourgy” is a whole other story. The best approach when trying to achieve a fourgy is to move to a town where hot female triplets live. When you arrive in that town, all you have to do is rob a bank, buy a dope house with a shark tank and a three sports cars. Then have a huge party at your dope house with Van Halen as the special musical guest and invite the hot triplets to your party. Once they arrive at the party, give the triplets a bunch of ecstasy and show them the shark tank in your bedroom. After that, it’s on like Megatron. After you’re done having sex with all three of them, I’ve been told that you spontaneously combust because you have nothing left to accomplish on Earth.
Rachel, Sarah and Vicki Satterfield: They’re famous for posing for Playboy and … well, posing for Playboy. Oh yeah, and they all dropped out of high school to become strippers.
In Brief : The day after they were born, a picture of mom cuddling three swaddled daughters ran in the local newspaper.
Their first haircut, when the girls turned 1, made the paper, too.
This month, the 23-year-old Satterfield sisters — Rachel, Sarah and Vicki — rode their bodies, dyed blond hair and the novelty of being triplets into the pages of Playboy magazine — just as they had dreamed of since age 15.
“Our mom told us we could do anything we wanted to,” said Vicki, seated on a beige family room couch with her sisters, identically dressed in skintight purple Playboy T-shirts, black minis and black pumps.
“This is what they wanted to do,” said their mother, Noreen Satterfield, seated next to them, “so this is what they’re doing.”
A Playboy spokeswoman said the triplets caught the magazine’s eye “because of their natural, girl-next-door look.”
The revealing six-page feature in Playboy’s August issue isn’t enough, though. The aim is to live at the Playboy mansion in Los Angeles and become centerfolds, with all the fame, travel and paid appearances that brings.
“In our world, we’re celebrities,” Vicki said, “but we want to be famous.”
Their world is an Elyria side street with a hoodless rusted car on blocks, yards strewn with toys and weathered, peeling houses.
The Satterfields’ tidy four-bedroom house has doilies on the tables, art from their young nieces and nephews on the fridge and a cross from their late grandmother on the wall. The walls are jammed with collage frames of family pictures. But mostly, there are pictures of the triplets, and almost always together.
The sisters often finish each other’s sentences or cut each other off by raising their husky voices. They habitually twirl their hair.
Two have driver’s licenses and smoke cigarettes. Each carries a different-colored Playboy purse. They share one cell phone. The back window of their silver Chrysler 300 has a mock license plate they had airbrushed at Midway Mall. It reads, “The Triplets.”
At their age, Noreen Satterfield was married and on her way to raising eight kids. Her ex-husband is a truck driver in Portage County.
When the “triplets” (which she’s always called them because it’s quicker) proclaimed their desire to become either women of the World Wrestling Federation or Playboy Playmates, that was just fine.
“Every girl wants to be famous,” Vicki said. “Every girl wants to be in Playboy.”
The Satterfield sisters, who dance at a strip club near their house, grew up in Lorain. They attended Admiral King High School, but didn’t finish.
And didn’t work — at least not until 19, when they started stripping because they thought they needed breast implants to make Playboy. Combined, they made $40,000 in the first 45 days of stripping. (They wouldn’t say how much they make now.)
The quest for Playboy began four years ago with a photo album sent to the magazine. Four days later, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner responded with a letter, inviting them out for a test shoot. They had never been on a plane before.
Four months later, their picture appeared in the magazine’s 50th-anniversary issue. The current spread, which posed them in front of the Avon Lake Theater and other local spots, was shot in late 2005.
If playmate centerfold doesn’t happen for them by early next year, stripping at an upscale club in Las Vegas is the backup plan.
Lil, Helen and Kate Armstrong : Some bored BBC reporter with nothing better to do wrote an article about the sisters getting accepted to Cambridge.
In brief : Three sisters made history, becoming the first triplets to be accepted into Cambridge University when they discovered they had each achieved three A grades.
Lil, Helen and Kate Armstrong, 18, will take up offers to read medicine, law and natural sciences.
The girls, who studied at Truro College in Cornwall, a state-funded sixth-form college which is 10th in the Guardian’s league tables, said it was a coincidence they all applied to the same place. “It’s a great relief to finally know we’re all going,” Helen said yesterday. “I am speechless.”
The triplets’ father, the Royal Cornwall hospital biomedical scientist Tim Armstrong, said yesterday, that the triplets never had to be told to study.
“I think it has been a great help that there are three of them,” he said. “There is an element of competition there.”
Also accepted by Cambridge was an Afghan refugee who fled to Britain three years ago, barely speaking a word of English, and who will now study medicine.
Soleiman Aria, 20, spoke yesterday of his “dream come true” having been accepted into one of the world’s most prestigious universities. “I never thought this day would come. There are no words to describe how I feel today.”
Cynthia, Christine and Caroline Barbadoro : The Barbadoro sisters are known as the “Romney Girls.”
In Brief : These are the Romney Girls, as in triplets, which makes a leering statement about Mormons and multiple wives. The Girls are Cynthia, Christine and Caroline Barbadoro, aspiring singer-songwriters.
Their first move is to release a video attacking Obama Girl for being a flip-flopper and to ask her to “pick a position” as she lolls around in various states of undress. Alas, there’s not much of the Romney Girls in the video – they don’t show up until the very end, but we imagine more spoof ads are to come.
You can meet the Romney Girls at barelypolitical.com. The site explains that each woman represents one of Romney’s many political positions: “Frightening Romney Girl likes Romney based on what he stood for in the 1980s. But Athletic-y Romney Girl likes him for completely different reasons – what he stood for in the 1990s. And Infant Romney Girl likes him for what people tell him he should stand for today.”
Nicola, Laura and Alison Crimmins : They’re fashion models which means they’re all bullemic with cocaine problems. And we all know what they’ll do for more cocaine.
Nicole, Erica, and Jaclyn Dahm : The Dahm sisters were the first triplets to appear nude in Playboy.
In Brief : Nicole, Erica, and Jaclyn Dahm born in Minnesota, United States and are identical triplets. They were the Playmates in the December 1998 issue of Playboy magazine. According to an interview in their video centerfold, Nicole and Erica have tiny black ink dots (one and two dots, respectively) tattooed onto their buttocks, which their parents used to distinguish the three girls when they were babies.
They are the second set of triplets to be featured in the United States edition of Playboy, after “The Trio from Rio, The Amazing Brazilian Triplets” who were featured in the November 1993 issue. The Dahm sisters were featured in several issues of Playboy, but only appeared on one cover, that of Playboy Australia for June 1999.
Each of the blonde-haired sisters has had breast implant surgery to augment her appearance. They tried out for Playboy’s “Girls of the Big Ten” issue on the suggestion of their father.
The triplets grew up in Jordan, Minnesota, and attended Jordan’s public schools. All three also attended the University of Minnesota.
On August 26, 2005, Erica became engaged to Jay McGraw, son of Phil McGraw, better known as TV’s “Dr. Phil”. On August 12, 2006, the couple married in the McGraw home in Beverly Hills. A reception for four hundred guests followed the ceremony at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
The triplets had their own website, dahmgirls.com, which was active until late 2004. The members’ area of the site featured photo galleries similar to those produced by Playboy.
Erin, Missy and Mandy Maynard : The Maynard sisters are singers. An appearance on American Idol was their big break.
In Brief : The Maynard Triplets grew up in Omaha Nebraska. The oldest in a family of 6 girls. Music was always a part of their lives, with both parents being huge Barry Manilow fans and both Missy and Mandy being named after two of his hit songs. At age 3 the girls performed for their first time on stage at Omaha’s Show Wagon which happened to be the same stage their mom also sang on as a teen. They would put on concerts in their basement almost every night for their family. It didn’t take long for their parents to realize these girls had talent. after doing numerous plays, country music festivals and even releasing a cd in their hometown called Take Three, the Maynards decided to try their luck on American Idol, where the panel liked their sound as a group but Simon called them “overweight Jessica Simpsons”! Moments after their stint on Idol aired. The Triplets lives changed forever.
After a failed attempt at American Idol, the Maynard triplets turned down an offer to pose for Playboy saying that they had “more to offer than they’re naked bodies. Yeah … that won’t last.